January 20, 2011

Shallow Bitch

This is an edited (for length) reply to a guy who basically accused me of being shallow and unrealistic:
[UPDATE ...after my rant]

You are missing two very vital points to my profile, and one rather more mundane one.
The more mundane one is that my profile may come across as more shallow and bitchy than I am in real life, because guys tend to have an inflated sense of ego/their own attractiveness (tend to-- I realize not everyone is like this!) and it weeds out people who are clearly not my type.

So, the two important points:
First, as both a Domme and a woman who has become comfortable with her sexuality, I have the right and the prerogative to pursue things that turn me on. If you had a foot fetish and I refused to let you even look at my feet, I would not be a good partner for you (or I'd be the world's biggest tease). I'm not so shallow and specific as to demand that everyone I hook up with is a blonde 25-yo surfer --I do not have particular concerns about height, hair, beards, ethnicity, or model-good-looks. And my age restrictions are more about dating potential, being in the same place in our lives, than arbitrary cut-offs. I like athletic guys who take care of themselves, with whom I have great chemistry and share overlapping kinks. That, my dear, is completely reasonable.

Second, I am an attractive woman. I date attractive men. I have dated multiple guys who are smart and attractive, yes, with those washboard abs. I nearly married one of them (thankfully realizing I would be bored with the non-kinky sex, in that case, for the rest of my life). Another cute smarty-pants who WAS kinky (and I met on here!) moved across the country for a job (after we dated for 8 months) and it just didn't work out with the distance. There's no need for me to settle for someone I'm not attracted to, and since I'm looking for a primary relationship right now, it's an important factor. Be glad I'm not specifying letters after the name, or you'd think I was being unrealistic!

Finally, I appreciate your suggestion about putting someone on a fitness regimen, but I see two problems with this: first, if they don't comply, then I am forced to reject someone with whom I have a relationship already, which pretty much sucks. I've been there; I am not such a sadist that I enjoy hurting someone's feelings. And second, I am not a babysitter. Some Dommes enjoy molding and controlling their subs in all aspects of the sub's life, but I'm just not into this. I have my own life, I prefer equality outside of the bedroom, and I feel the gift of submission is more meaningful coming from a strong and self-actualized person.

UPDATE: the guy who originally wrote to me turns out is not a jerk; I believe he was waxing philosophical. I feel my rant stands on its own, but want it on the record that this anonymous person doesn't deserve the brunt of my vitriol. He also made a cute point in his follow-up letter: "I mean, can you imagine my horror [if I were] to discover all the sub women in the world want to dress like men, and do a TERRIBLE job at it."

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