January 2, 2012

New year's resolution

My new year's resolution is NOT to blog more. Not exactly. Instead, it is: to communicate with clarity and compassion. Part of this may--or may not--be blogging. We shall see. Part of being compassionate is to be aware of my own limitations and priorities, and frankly blogging is not a high priority.
There are three people I have at the top of my list for better communication. Two of them are subbie boys that I simply don't have time for, harsh as it sounds, relative to other friends and life goals. One of the reasons I haven't communicated that with them sooner is that it feels bad: these two guys haven't done anything wrong, they are politely persistent in their friendship, and seem to genuinely want friendship once I indicated that sexy-kinky times were off the table. But I'm just not getting enough out of the relationships--there's a lack of depth to our interactions, in one case, and I'm feeling too much like an unpaid therapist in the other. It's better for me to clearly end these friendships now-- and possibly for them in the longer term, in that an undercurrent of resentment could be far more hurtful than a firm break now.

The third person on my short list for better communication is a subbie woman who has given me very mixed signals. We've played several times; about a month ago we went to an event where at least socially we seemed to get along great even though our play got interrupted... Since then, I've invited her to two events and she didn't even reply; her best friend, whom I know less well and have not been nearly so intimate with, got back to me immediately. At the risk of being annoying and socially awkward, I need to clear this up, 1. because if I, as a top, did something bad enough to warrant the silent treatment, I'd like to know about it; 2. because if she simply doesn't want to play with me again, it is at least the polite thing to do to decline, especially as we have mutual friends. --> update to this one, she just wrote me back, she was in Mexico without internet access. Yay me for over-reacting, LOL

Anyway, partly because of my frustration with that, I've decided to work on my own communication style...

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